#before even garak himself has come to terms with it.

[a-most-beloved-fool]

there are many neat reptilian characteristics that one can give Cardassians. I've seen shedding scales, tails and claws, scent marking, and people making them ectothermic.

but consider:

Color changing ridges. Just for funsies. We already tend to headcanon that the ridges and spoons (chula, if you prefer) turn blue when aroused, mimicking the make up they wear in canon, but it would be a bit interesting if the ridges were Fully color changing, a la chameleons. Especially if they changed color based on emotions.

Because their culture is very focused on the Good of the State, it would probably be taboo to have your emotions plainly visible (too much risk of your colors giving away the fact that you aren't 100% content blindly serving the state). I think it would be typical to wear make up to cover up the color changing scales, or to wear paint in 'positive' colors.

Soldiers and the Obsidian Order might even find a way to chemically neutralize the color changing, either temporarily or permanently - it could be far too much of a liability, if someone got captured and interrogated.

Most non-Cardassians would be entirely unaware that this was a normal part of Cardassian physiology. Novels might have oblique references to the colors when describing emotions, but any book that spoke too clearly of them would be almost sure to get banned. Bashir would be slowly taking notes about which colors in novels seemed to correspond to which emotions, but he'd have no idea that it was because Cardassians could Literally Turn Those Colors. He'd just assume their color theory was different, and that they were Really into color metaphors for some reason.

Could be interesting to explore the cultural implications and see what kinds of new mischief happens on the station due to it.

[bijoumikhawal]

the wildest thing about the nexus play for me isnt the i love you bit, it's that it's a two person play, so EVERYONE is played by Andy and Siddig. So when Garak is remembering Tain and Palandine, Siddig is playing them. The long lost lover Garak can never have again (who died in an epidemic) and the father urging Garak to submit to his control, to seize power on his father's terms even when that's never been Garak's nature and he knows it, both bear Julian's face, which seems very thematically relevant as the ending implies Julian has kind of betrayed and is manipulating Garak for the Federation. It also echoes both the "I love you" scene and Julian early on expressing that he's baffled by Garak "insisting on taking second place" (which again, seems to be manipulation). Calyx, too, bears Julian's face as he warns Garak to expect an attack before it is Palandine wearing Julian's face who arrives and cajoles him out of his raised defenses.

But, Palandine is also acting against Julian; with his mouth she asks "why have we denied each other the pleasure of each other's company?" after Garak has asked Julian why he has ignored and been silent towards Garak after being sent the letter that is ASIT. She she remarks on how "we" have worked hard to become warriors and killers, to give up on dreams. She laments the terrible choices she's made. Both their minds make up the Nexus; she voices Julian's doubts about what he is here to do. The fact that she takes over here is also a warning, as Garak, lost in memory, is afraid they are being watched and that she could be punished. The end to me implies they are being watched and Julian knows it, is being ordered to act a certain way.

A Hebitian bears Julian's face too, calmly telling Garak "we've always been killing each other. Have you only just noticed?"- a cold reminder to Garak that despite his indoctrination, the genocide of Hebitians happened and he is bound to it as a person born of both cultures. The Hebitian too, betrays Julian, remarking upon the little choices, corruptions, that allow people to loose sight of their purpose to help others. Followed by Julian reminiscing fondly of how his favorite places on earth are unassimilated (after a previous line implying cultural genocide occurred on Earth, ergo these places are vestiages of victimized cultures) and how he wants to protect it.

But as well, the Drill Sargent and Sloan take Garaks face- the first, mocking him for being a "Prima Donna" and telling him he's not a doctor, but a soldier (in essence, reminding him to focus on the mission and not get lost in the fact that hes with one of his dearest friends). The second, teasing him about his secrets. Perhaps Garak is suspicious of Julian specifically. But further, Sloan-with-Garak's-face reminds him that other people hold secrets too, and loosing your secrets is looding power. Is it Julian's doubts again? And of course, here we find that Garak saw the whole scene... he's closer to realizing what's going on. Andd he saw it because he has no more secrets when it comes to Julian. He has given up his power.

Richard Bashir also gets a chance to wear Garaks face. First, violently shaking Julian when he skips a letter in the alphabet, then showing him off as a trophy. It is Garak, as himself, that snaps Julian out of it by embracing him. Julian now reveals part of his hand- he came here on purpose, for diplomatic reasons. And that the Federation- and Julian specifically- withheld information that could have saved lives. It is here that Palandine appears, with Julian's face, as a plague victim. She hides, "ashamed of what you may think of me". Again, she is voicing something of Julian... what greater shame for a doctor, than to do as he has? Garak calls him a vulture, calls it murder, demands to know why. "Don’t come any closer. Allow me the dignity of not showing myself. I want you to remember me as you do. Not as I am". Palandine is speaking- but isn't Julian also speaking? He at first tries to reason away the action, but in the end, he admits it was terrible and wrong.

Each person wearing their face is revealing something about one or both of them on both a direct way and a symbolic way. Giving them voices by resonating with them.

[lorenzobane]

Happy Evil Author's Day to me :) This one is called "Federation Viewpoint," and I do hope to finish it one day. Basically, this one takes the framing device of the 5 things Garak learned about the Federation prior to his exile.

--

Prologue

“Welcome,” Grentak says, “to A Federation Overview for Non-Federation Specialists. If you were looking for “An Overview of Causeway Nations for Federation Specialists,” that is down the hall.” 

Garak hears a few muffled footsteps and curses as a few other Order agents shuffle out of the room. Internally, he can’t help but think this is a profound waste of time. He specializes in what the Order terms “Causeway Nations.” Or, Non-Federation worlds that, while usually not allies of Cardassia, do tend to share a general antipathy for the tendencies of Starfleet. He’s learned Klingon, Romulan, Tzenkath, and a few others and considers himself an expert on their culture. 

Why he also needs to receive an overview of an empire he never intends to see is beyond him. 

The presenter, Grentak, starts talking again after the shuffle is complete. “I’m sure several of you are wondering about the wisdom of this course. It must seem highly inefficient and hardly furthering the Cardassian empire. However, we have found that this type of broad basis of understanding of overall Alpha Quadrant politics greatly improves the overall efficacy of our agents.”

What follows is a somewhat tedious history lesson that Garak is aware of; the Federation was founded out of a mixture of Vulcan, Andorian, Tellurite, and Earth cultures and represented a “Federation” of planets, not a nation the way the Cardassian Empire might understand it. To Garak it sounds horrendously divided and weak because of it. 

Nonetheless, he pulls out his PADD and begins taking notes. 

—-----------

Chapter 1 

“One of the most striking tendencies of humans, specifically, is an almost unbearable urge to pack bond,” Grentak begins. “Pack bonding, as you may be aware, refers to the tendency of social animals to group together to form strong social bonds that allow for greater problem-solving. A great many cultures are prone to it, Cardassia very much included. However, humans take this tendency to a remarkable extreme. They can form deep, intense, and lasting bonds with creatures of nearly any species.” 

Garak scoffs internally.

“As a result, we often tell our agents if you want information from a human, it makes very little sense to cause pain. It makes them lie. If, however, you are able to gain their trust and convince them that you are one of their ever-expanding pack, then they will give you information without you even having to ask. This technique was used to great effect by–” 

“Well, if you ask me,” Bashir says, gesturing with one hand, “the book was a terrible tragedy.” 

Garak’s eyebrows shoot up. He had given Bashir a reasonably famous comedy from the Cardassian Empire, Sanctions of Destruction. Written in the late Shri-Ep dynasty, the book has many of the staples that would eventually become commonplace in the literature of the state. 

“Tragedy, Doctor? I think you’ll find that you are actually reading one of the most famous comedies of all time.” 

Bashir takes a beat and then laughs. Garak raises an eyebrow ridge. 

“Nothing, it's just… There is a famous human playwright, Shakespeare, and people often say that his tragedies can be as funny as his comedies, and his comedies can be as sad as his tragedies.” 

“What is it that you found so tragic, Doctor?” 

“Well,” Bashir starts before taking a long drag of his tea, “you can’t help but feel bad for poor Mila.” 

Garak withholds the wince. Mila, one of the main characters, marries a man who she strongly dislikes at the urging of her father. The name of the titular character is a coincidence, he assures himself. 

“Of course, but the comedy comes from her resistance. Ultimately, a good Cardassian knows that we all must serve the state first but our family second. Her hesitation and attempts at obfuscation and delay create circumstances that need to be frantically dealt with instead of the calm leisure of discipline and service.” 

“I suppose I thought she would be happy in the end; you told me it was a light-hearted comedy. I agree that our loved ones are important, and their considerations should be valued, but surely you know people can be wrong just as Cardassians can be wrong. Who is to say that this man her father chose for her would be compatible?” 

“He’s from a good family,” Garak counters. “He was raised with good values. Her father likes his parents. These traits indicate that they are likely to share a world view that will eventually lead to a prosperous union and many children.” 

“Fat Cardassian babies,” Bashir says with an amused twinkle in his eye. “In any case, I can’t imagine being happy with something like that.” 

“Of course not, Doctor. You are entirely too self-motivated.”

“Are you calling me selfish?” 

Garak held up a hand peaceably. “Surely no one could accuse such a dedicated doctor of selfishness. And if I understand correctly, humans are allowed to reap the benefits of the empire without contributing to it unless they are personally interested.” 

“First of all,” Bashir laughs, “thank you for the compliment. Second, the Federation isn’t an Empire.” 

“We can get into that particular bit of sophistry later. For now, I am afraid I have to go- Morn has made an appointment for yet another pair of custom lingerie. I certainly appreciate the value of a variable wardrobe, but that man should learn to repurpose.”

“You really ought to hire someone, you know.” 

Garak gave him a customer service smile. “Such excellent advice, Doctor. I’ll be sure to take it under advisement.” 

Julian raised both of his hands in a human gesture for surrender. “Fine, then. Be that way. Don’t work yourself too hard, though; I hate when my friends end up in my sickbay.” 

Garak’s brain spirals for a moment, but Bashir keeps chattering about how he wishes he could impress upon everyone in the station the importance of thinking through the consequences of interspecies mating before they take their pants off. A friend. Was it really so simple for humans? Julian had, only recently, saved him from certain death, but Garak had been under no illusions. The Doctor helped because he was helpful, and the doctor was kind to him because the doctor is kind. But here they are. He had been cruel, difficult, and insulting, and yet– 

Humans will pack bond with anything. A voice haunts his mind. It appears that Garak, of all people, might be considered, by a particularly stunning and accomplished human, to be worth forming a bond with. To be worth knowing and trusting deeply. The Order agent in him crows; how much could he make the good Doctor give him now that they have established trust? Could he get enough information to go back to Cardassia?

Garak shakes his head at his own foolishness. Tain is the only one who can end his exile, and if there were information that Bashir had that Tain wanted, he never would have been let off the planet. 

Which means… Which means… 

Garak has simply… Made a friend. 

As he walks away, he can’t help but remember the warmth, the joy in Bashir’s eyes, the way his mouth twisted along the edge of his dessert spoon, and think that Federation's insidiousness goes much further than he realized. 

[skeletap]

15, 18, 22 for sir Spinal Tap

15) How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

For reference, his voice claim is Andrew Robinson/Garak in Star Trek. But the way he speaks is what he considers as 'proper'. He doesn't use contractions (So: 'Does not' instead of 'Doesn't'), and likes to use more sophisticated vocabulary even if it makes his sentences much longer.

He also applies a lot of inflection to his speech, specifically on nouns. As for his improvisational conversing skills, he's a bit of a mix of both. He will rehearse his conversations if he knows they are going to be happening/plans on initiating it. Otherwise, he will stream of conscious his words, especially if its about something he likes. He will pause to think about things if really needed or in a serious conversation.

18) What embarrasses them?

Spinal Tap is a bit concerned about how others perceive him (sort of a mix of him being hyper-vigilant about people not finding out he's the Panancean when he was being manipulated by his sister, and have social anxiety). So he'll get embarrassed by things that might put him in a light of being ungentlemanly. One of these things is being made to do 'improper' things like swearing.

22) How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

In terms of material jealousy he will get standoffish. He doesn't get angry per se, definitely wont be aggressive, but will be visibly ticked off with a threat displaying crest. Also a lot of scoffing. In terms of romantic jealousy, I don't think he has a lot to be jealous about, since Skeletor is a faithful partner. But if people do try coming on to Skeletor in front of him. Er, Thornimps mate for life so they get a bit of vigilance hardwired into them once in a pair. So he'll see it as a threat and do whatever he can to make the 'invader' go away. Skeletor will usually have shooed the person away before Spinal Tap can wedge himself between them and do that 'I am being very very nice but there's the threatening veil of GO AWAY behind my words'.

[Questions from here]

[sonneillonv]

There are a number of watsonian reasons for this, IMO.

First... Garak is SO MUCH BETTER than Dukat. If Sisko needs a communication line to Cardassia, open OR illicit, he would SO MUCH RATHER go talk to Garak than use Dukat's comm code. If he needs to pass a message, or if he needs to wheedle some info, if he needs to better understand the default Cardassian political/military/economic position on some recent fuckery, he can invite Garak to chat over tea at the replimat. Yes, Garak will couch everything he says in riddles and half-truths. Yes, he will insist everything he says should be taken with a shaker of salt because he's just a simple tailor. Yes, that can be a little frustrating. But the mere prospect of opening a conversation with Gul Dukat, which will of course result in Dukat physically coming to the station so he can stuck his actual nose into everything, is 1000x worse.

Second... they know who Garak is. As spies go, Garak is scintillatingly obvious. Even denying that he's a spy is basically a game he and the rest of DS9's population have quietly agreed to play, because if there's going to be Cardassian spies on DS9 (which there are, this is a non-negotiable political reality and everyone knows it), both Sisko and Kira would much rather know who that spy is and be able to keep an eye on them. Garak is a known element; for the most part, as long as everyone behaves respectfully and plays the game, he spends most of his time quietly sewing and trying to seduce Bashir. And that is very manageable spy behavior, tbh. Like, it could be SO much worse than this fabulous lizard in his equivalent late-40s who loves gardening and fabrics and flirting with gorgeous young doctors.

Third, Garak is an exile. He has no political power in Cardassia. He can do Sisko favors because of who he knows, the connections he still maintains, but he's also far too down-and-out to be an actual danger to them. Which means, critically, he needs favors from Sisko often enough that their relationship can actually be one of relative equality. They can give and take from each other. Garak knows where his bread is buttered - if Sisko decides he's not allowed on DS9 anymore, he really has nowhere else to go, so helping out the DS9 crew periodically by making himself useful is a long-term good for Garak. This is why he is willing to stage the murder of a Romulan senator to bring the Romulans into the Dominion war on the side of the Federation (despite Cardassia being on the side of the Dominion) - Garak is not an idiot. He recognized several things: the Dominion is not good for Cardassia, the Federation is the only power that can effectively stand against the Dominion, the Federation needs help, and the Federation is literally his landlord, so doing the Federation a favor (via Sisko) is good for him personally AND good for Cardassia in the long run. If Garak is replaced by a different spy, there is no guarantee Sisko would have this kind of leverage, so Sisko has a vested interest in keeping Garak in place.

Fourth, Garak has a vested interest in exposing anyone whose activities on the station would threaten his security, including other Cardassian spies. He makes a regular practice through the series of dropping hints, mostly to Bashir, that something is not right about this trader or that mercenary, which often results in the main cast uncovering some kind of plot before it can come to fruition. His spy games with Bashir aren't just for flirting, they're also an 'innocent' way for him to steer the Doctor's attention toward anyone who might pose a serious threat. This really goes back to reason 3, "The Federation is my Landlord", but Garak is proactive about it, so I feel like it deserves its own listing... another spy with a stronger sense of nationalism or a lower intelligence might not take that stance.

And lastly, Garak absolutely fucking HATES Gul Dukat, who delights in making himself the biggest thorn in Sisko's side (and wears heart-eyes about it the whole time). Any time Sisko needs a window into Dukat's mindset or needs help putting Dukat in his fucking place, Garak is stanced and ready. And it's not even necessarily for Sisko's benefit: here's an example of Garak calling Dukat out in front of everyone because Dukat is behaving inappropriately toward Kira, but in such a culturally Cardassian way Kira doesn't realize it:

S03Ep07, "Civil Defense"

(For those unaware, this is basically Dukat peacocking at Kira. He has a history of being attracted to Bajoran women, most of whom he claimed as slaves including Kira's actual mother, so it's extremely ick.)

Sometimes he even does it through other people, such as that time he prepped Bashir with a bunch of really embarrassing tea on Dukat only for Bashir to bull-rush his way into a highly political conversation and read Dukat for filth in front of Sisko. which resulted in one of my favorite scenes in the series:

S02Ep05, "Cardassian."

Would Sisko be getting this kind of entertainment from any other spy????? OFC NOT.

In conclusion, Sisko is keeping Garak forever. Pet Spy. Precious Baby. He did All That but we love him.

Garak is such a fun character because after a while everyone is just. Chill with him. Yeah that’s Garak he’s an ex spy. No he’s fine he won’t hurt you. Unless we ask him to, haha. Yeah he’s fine. Yeah he’s like our pet freak

[ofhouseadama]

What about Julian showing up for real at the end of the fic about garak fantasizing and garak still thinks he’s either hallucinating or fantasizing because he hasn’t slept in a few days

It's the coldest winter on record. The days get shorter, the nights get longer, and even the sunlight takes on a blue haze of perpetual twilight. The frost comes, reaching down from the Northern Continent and across the sea, killing the crops and taking a hundred thousand more casualties with the winter wind.

Cardassian families start sleeping like cordwood.

Hundreds of lightyears away, the Federation elects a new President. Garak takes more than a polite interest at Ghemor's behest, desperate to see if inroads can be made with the administration. But when the ground freezes hard and the dead crowd the city morgues after a wave of Rudellian plague -- there is only so much interest he can take.

Half of his ad hoc staff in Ghemor's interim government is sleeping in his house, crowded together in the wings of Tain's mansion that still maintain some amount of climate control.

But every night, he still sleeps alone, when he can sleep at all. And when he can't...

(He lives two lives. One is the hard, miserable truth. The other is the fantasy of what cannot be, but makes the first life bearable.)

Every morning, as the sky sits somewhere between the blueish purples of night and the orange of the day, he wonders if this is it. If in the coming weeks or months the scientists will finally issue the report that dooms the Cardassian homeworld, declares it broken beyond repair. People flee everyday, on any shuttle they can -- to other planets in the Cardassian system, to unincorporated colony worlds, even to Vulcan. Prime is a dying planet; all that's left is for someone to call time of death. The diaspora has begun, the tragedy complete. The militaristic, hubristic Cardassians, doomed to wander the galaxy as refugees forever. Conquerors, beggared.

On Earth, the president is sworn in.

Weeks later, Garak receives a message--a request, from the Federation, directly from the Office of the President. An offer of tentative support, after fourteen months. An informal fact finding mission conducted by the Federation Disaster Relief Corps. He is immediately weary--she'd campaigned on this, on peace and friendship and building bonds across the alpha quadrant. And so now the Federation comes to the weakened, beleaguered, de-fanged Cardassia. Offering aid. Offering friendship. Offering deliverance.

They can't afford to say no.

A month later, the visa requests come. Not to Garak's office, not directly. He doesn't handle that kind of thing--but the list ends up on his PADD regardless. Despite himself, he hopes.

And is rewarded.

Starfleet medical attaché, nominally. Garak understands that in all likelihood, Julian's place on this mission is for intelligence or counterintelligence as much as it is to evaluate the state of Cardassia's medical system. (Dismal. Struggling. Not enough doctors, not enough nurses, not enough beds. Not enough medicine. If malnutrition doesn't get them first, it'll be a novel virus. Julian already knows that from his letters.)

For weeks, Garak imagines what the moment of reunion will be like. Will he be in uniform? Will they have to stand on formality, two foreign governments meeting on friendly terms for the first time? Will they fix eyes on each other from across the room? Julian had written he was growing his hair out. Was it awful? Garak himself was thin now, too thin. His clothes were tattered and well-worn. Would they recognize each other?

Would Julian's eyes be the eyes of a stranger?

But what happens is this: the night before the Federation group is scheduled to arrive, Garak walks home to find Julian standing on his doorstep. Dressed in a wool coat, hair brushing his shoulders, reading the PADD in his hand. Waiting, patiently. The porchlight makes his skin the color of burnished copper.

Without thought, without inclination, he steps into the glow.

In the shivering-cold wind, nothing has ever been as warm as Julian's lips on his.

In the seconds following, panic creeps in. They've never talked about this; they can't talk about this. He can't have this, he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve Julian's warmth. But by the ancients, he wants this more than he has ever dared to want. He wants to unlock the door and take him inside, lead him up the stairs, and show him to his bedroom. He wants them to keep each other warm. He wants to know the heat of mammalian skin, he wants to know what it feels like to sink his hands in Julian's hair.

Elim Garak is no stranger to yearning.

But an odd thing happens: Julian laughs.

"I guess you've saved me the ordeal of figuring out how to get you to say you want me back."

[geekthefreakout]

Garashir watch... Police Procedurals.

"And what delightful human invention is on your holoscreen this time, my dear?" Garak asked, entirely unapologetic as he let himself in to Bashir's quarters.

"The kind of show where people who break into their friends' rooms wind up in jail." Julian grumbled, but he shifted his legs on his couch to make room for his friend. "It's been a stressful week."

"Certainly it has seemed so." Garak agreed, sitting primly beside Julian's socked feet. "That business with Mr. Eddington was quite shocking! To think, a Starfleet officer joining a group of terrorists like the Maquis."

"I'm sure that hasn't made public record yet." Julian raised a suspicious eyebrow at Garak, who smiled beatifically.

"Perhaps not, but you'd be surprised how careless some officers are around their tailor."

Julian rolled his eyes, then turned back to his holoscreen. Incorrigible.

"You've not told me what we're watching."

"I am watching an ancient Earth police procedural. You are invading my quarters uninvited." Even as he spoke, Julian was stretching his legs back out, his feet soundly across Garak's lap.

"You don't appear to want me to leave." Garak said drily as he rested his clawed hands over Bashir's shins. "'Police procedural' sounds like a dull term."

"Absolutely mind-numbing." Bashir agreed. "And yet strangely comforting."

On the screen, two men with badges came across a bloodied corpse.

"Comforting." Garak said dubiously.

"Mm." Bashir yawned. "See, these are the regular officers, who won't know what to make of it all. They will be calling in the much overworked specialist team any moment, and that team will make short work of catching the killer. They might even save the final victim."

"Ah. And I presume that truth and good always prevail, and all is made right by these upstanding officers of the law."

"Usually. Once in a while it takes longer than the one episode, or the team is unable to save the victim. But these things typically go the same way."

"And yet you scoff at enigma tales!"

"It's not as fun when everyone is guilty of something." Bashir gave a half shrug, wriggling his toes in Garak's lap. "I just wanted something uncomplicated. You don't have to watch."

"No, I would be happy to avail myself of another fine Terran tradition." Garak insisted, flicking at Julian's worn socks. "Cardassians don't wrap our feet thusly, but I feel compelled to point out that these seem overworn."

"They're comfy."

"That's your excuse for nearly all your clothes."

The two sat and watched for a while. As Bashir predicted, a special team had been brought in which hailed from an agency called the FBI. They began analyzing every bit of the crime scene.

"Surely they would have been able to identify this man through his dental records?"

"Earth has never required citizens to give the government a molar. And typically a person's DNA, fingerprints, and other records would only be on file for the police if that person had been involved in a previous crime, or had otherwise occupied certain jobs. You know, teaching, healthcare, and the like. And back before Earth united under one banner, these data were often not shared across countries, or even between towns. So if one had prints on file the next town over, those prints still would not come up in a local search."

"How inefficient." Garak sounded vaguely disturbed. "The criminal is given every opportunity to continue committing crimes. It undermines the State. No wonder your Earth changed so much."

"It's not ideal, no. It did, however, protect personal privacy."

"Personal privacy. Ha! Your human individualism."

"Rich words from such a private person." Julian dug his heels into Garak's thigh to drive home his point.

"Privacy from my fellow civilians is one thing, dear Doctor. Privacy from my State is quite another. And then-- look here! The media blasting everything the officers have for all and sundry to hear! Where is your precious personal privacy then! Where is the control? It is a small wonder this fiend will shortly get away with another murder." Garak seemed to be actively agitated now, to Julian's amusement. "And meanwhile, the lead man is dithering on about what must be going through the miscreant's mind, as if that is the main concern."

"The Constable likes reading mystery novels because he thinks motive is important." Julian offered. "As I recall, motive plays a part in your enigma tales as well!"

"Of course motive is important." Garak waved him off. "It seems to me that focusing on the fiend's ability to have sex goes beyond that."

Julian shrugged, wiggling his toes again until Garak at last started rubbing absently at the soles of his feet. As Garak predicted, the murderer killed another victim in morbidly spectacular fashion.

"That's actually too much blood spatter for a wound of that nature." Julian commented drowsily.

"I suppose there's something to be said for the spectacle. Is it common for your procedurals to show the process of crime and investigation in such detail? One wonders if these couldn't be taken as inspiration."

"It was usually the other way around. Many episodes of such things are inspired by real crimes. Some are almost direct interpretations, others are something of a mixed bag. You know, a little of one, some of another."

Garak made a face, clearly not thinking much of that.

"Watch, the final showdown is imminent. They're going to talk the villain down."

"Preposterous. He's shown no sign of hesitation in his previous crimes."

"And yet."

Garak scoffed as the episode concluded, kneading Julian's feet harder in consternation.

"Well, that was a perfect waste of time." the Cardassian declared.

"That's the idea." Julian smiled. "Completely pointless. Care to watch another?"

"Not particularly." But the pleasant pressure on Julian's feet never stopped, even as the holoscreen began playing the next episode.

END

[july-19th-club]

NEARLY out of time on this 29th anniversary but i figured id try to get it in under the wire (pun brutally intended), even if it's not perfect - otherwise it would likely never see the light of day. it's not that long, more of a vignette than a fic (or drabble in old school fic terms, i guess). under the cut:

Gray Matter

They prep him in a room in the training center he's never been in before, although it's always been there - right at the end of the corridor in the infirmary wing, unlabeled but otherwise unremarkable. They sit him down in a complex little chair and for the most part, he's bored, at least to start with. Lots of staring at the lines where the panels meet on the ceiling while unseen the technician fusses around at the back of his head. Then, very suddenly, as if his consciousness is a recording he's watching with a glitch in it, the prep room ceiling and its infuriatingly uneven panels is gone and he's in a different room, and a different ceiling is swimming into view.

They let him take a good long while to come around, and then while he's sipping electrolyte replacer and counting new tiles, it starts to get awkward. The technician hasn't said much to him, and he's not sure if that's normal or a function of his being...well, him. He can avoid it in some areas of the Order, but in others it's painfully obvious that he's not some regular cadet. Finally Garak has to break the silence.

"Stupid question, possibly," he says, trying not to reach up and thumb the stitch site like he so badly wants to. The liquid bandage is sprayed on around it really quite thick. He can feel an unevenness that will become stubble growing already around it but he'll probably always have a thin spot on that side of his hair if the bandage doesn't dissolve faster than the fuzz can grow. Not feeling his hair brushing his neck makes him feel unexpectedly naked. Chilled. Surely there should be a way to take care of these procedures without having to shave your whole head. But like so much about the Obsidian Order, perhaps this is one of those things which is more ritual and culture than necessity. Some operatives go around shaved for as long as they can before they ship out on the assignment that necessitated the procedure. Of course, some guys wear wigs. He's not sure which direction he'll go in yet. He'll wait and see how he looks first.

The technician doesn't say anything.

"A little late for asking now, I know, but listen. Suppose I'm captured -" silly way to phrase it, really; potential capture is the whole reason for the procedure - "suppose I'm captured and they take that away before I've got time to press the button."

The tech spins the little remote around like a baton before handing it over. Garak handles it gingerly, wondering whether it's one of those things where it goes off if you so much as sit on it wrong. There seems to be an extra button on the side; the safety, so, no chance of an ass-dial directly to the central cortex. The tech says, "Hit the button before you get captured, numbskull."

It is numb. But not so much he doesn't remember most of the dense material manual they'd made him read before the procedure. "I seem to recall a thick chapter on habit formation with these things."

"Better that than be compromised," the med tech says, and does that little twirling point toward the ceiling that every jet cadet knows as code for just ask the man upstairs. Garak gets a little kick out of thinking 'jet cadet' to himself. The man upstairs hates when they call themselves that. Unprofessional. Look at Elim, he knows how ridiculous you all sound. Training agents, please. Comport yourselves accordingly. And then somebody's shower water would be cold for a week, and all of their meals would be under calorie requirement, and there'd be weird noises by their bunk just grating enough to keep you from getting a decent night's sleep. Just to remind that person what the man upstairs had control over. Everything, in an eggshell. From your boots to your gray matter. From morning til night. From the day you met to the day your time was up.

found my shortest ever trek fiction but i cant post it until wire day next year so hopefully i remember it exists by then it’s five paragraphs long and it’s called grey matter and it would make an excellent ‘flashback prologue scene’ if that had been in the episode which of course does not NEED a flashback prologue scene and is ideal as it stands and i have no notes but if it had been made in today’s tv era it would’ve had one and those five paragraphs would’ve been it

[kaijudyke]

hello my friends! as you may or may not be aware i have a healthy obsession with the ballad of tam lin, and today i would like to talk to you about the abundance of parallels between tam lin and star trek deep space nine s02e22 the wire! i will be summarizing the ballad for you so you do not need to be familiar with it! strap in for a long analysis and join me under the cut 💖

1. a summary of the ballad in broad strokes

(all excerpts in this section from child 39A)

tam lin is a scottish folktale about a young woman named janet who goes to the forest of carterhaugh, which is known to be guarded by a fairy called tam lin.

O I forbid you, maidens a', That wear gowd on your hair, To come or gae by Carterhaugh, For young Tam Lin is there.

(janet is aware of this, and goes anyway. one of my favorite running themes in the ballad is janet being incredibly headstrong and cocky.) she picks a few roses, he appears and tells her to stop, she stands up to him, and they end up sleeping together (and, ostensibly, falling in love). she returns home to her father's castle pregnant. her father and the other men at the castle are very concerned about her pregnancy, but she defies them and tells her father that this is her own responsibility and that she'd rather be with tam lin than any human nobleman:

If that I gae wi child, father, Mysel maun bear the blame, There's neer a laird about your ha, Shall get the bairn's name. If my love were an earthly knight, As he's an elfin grey, I wad na gie my ain true-love For nae lord that ye hae.

janet goes back to carterhaugh to pick abortifacient herbs and terminate the pregnancy, since she believes she and tam lin will never be able to be together. tam lin reappears and asks her to stop, and she asks him to tell her more about himself (in many versions she asks him if he's a christian), looking for any reason not to give up on him:

"Why pu's thou the rose, Janet, Amang the groves sae green, And a' to kill the bonny babe That we gat us between?" "O tell me, tell me, Tam Lin," she says, "For's sake that died on tree, If eer ye was in holy chapel, Or christendom did see?"

he tells her that he's human like her, but was taken by the fairy queen as a child. he also says that the fairies pay a tithe to hell every seven years, and he's worried this time they're going to sacrifice him. he tells her how to save him: she must be at miles cross at midnight on all hallow's eve, when the fairies ride by, and she must pull him down from his horse and hold on to him as the fairies change his shape several times.

"They'll turn me in your arms, lady, Into an esk and adder, But hold me fast, and fear me not, I am your bairn's father. "They'll turn me to a bear sae grim, And then a lion bold, But hold me fast, and fear me not, And ye shall love your child. "Again they'll turn me in your arms To a red het gand of airn, But hold me fast, and fear me not, I'll do you nae harm. "And last they'll turn me in your arms Into the burning gleed, Then throw me into well water, O throw me in with speed. "And then I'll be your ain true-love, I'll turn a naked knight, Then cover me wi your green mantle, And hide me out o sight."

(the exact details of the transformations vary between versions, but some of the most common shapes he has to go through are adder, newt, lion, hot coal, and burning iron. if you're interested in the variations, i highly recommend this page!) once the transformations are done, he instructs her to wrap him in her green cloak, after which the fairies won't have a claim to him anymore. janet follows his instructions and successfully saves him, much to the dismay of the fairy queen.

2. janet, julian, and their relationships

whichever version of tam lin you are reading, janet is a character with a ton of agency. she has no qualms about encroaching on tam lin's territory (in fact she tells him in no uncertain terms that the forest is hers), and there is some indication that she might have gone to carterhaugh specifically because she wanted to sleep with tam lin; she's said to be wearing a green dress, and since the color green was associated with the fae, wearing green to a fairy wood is pretty clearly inviting their attention. (in medieval literature, green was also sometimes associated with love and sex.)

it's not hard to draw a parallel between janet's decision to pursue tam lin despite the danger he represents and julian's immediate fascination with garak in past prologue even though (or rather because) he suspects him to be a spy. also of note is that janet and tam lin's relationship begins with an argument, where her willingness to challenge him seems to be what draws him to her. one of my favorite retellings, by james p. spence, emphasizes this:

‘I'm here tae guard these woods, tae see that naebodie nor nothing disturbs their peace.’ ‘An was it ma father that gave ye such a job?’ ‘Naw it wasnae.’ ‘Weel, there ye are then. It should be you that's asking ma permission tae set foot in these woods, because it is ma father that owns them.’ Then the young man's face rose up intae a smile that seemed many a long year since it was last there. (scottish borders folk tales, james p. spence, p. 114-115)

i'm sure i don't need to tell you that this is reminiscent not only of garak and julian's fondness for debate but of the way cardassians show romantic interest. more than that, though, i think there's something to be said for the way these relationships are treated by other people in the characters' lives. janet's father and his knights are troubled by her pregnancy, and they clearly think she should be with a normal, respectable man, preferably one of said knights, given that she feels the need to remark "There's neer a knight about your ha / Shall hae the bairnie's name." (child 39I) in the wire, when julian tells jadzia he wishes garak would trust him, she replies "why should he? it's not like the two of you are really friends." julian's friends do not understand why he spends so much time with garak—a cardassian, a spy, an outcast, someone who can't be trusted.

in both cases it's easy enough to see where they're coming from; being pregnant out of wedlock with a fairy's child is certainly not an ideal situation for a young noblewoman to find herself in, and it's remarkably foolish for a starfleet officer to have regular lunch dates with someone he believes to be an enemy spy. but janet and julian are both stubborn, and more interested in what's adventurous and exciting than what's good for them. (remember that, like janet knowingly going to pick roses in a forest guarded by fairies, julian wanted the position on ds9 because he wanted to try his hand at "frontier medicine"; misguided as he may have been, his thirst for adventure is the reason he's even on the station to begin with.)

3. fairyland, the obsidian order, and enabran tain

in the ballad, tam lin is abducted by the fairy queen when he's a child. she takes him to a magical realm where he feels no pain and is far removed from human worries.

And we that live in faeryland, No sickness know, nor pain, I quit my body when I will, And take to it again. (j. holm, verse 32)

garak has been enabran tain's protégé since he was very young. as an operative of the obsidian order, he's been trained to be cool under pressure, to play his cards close to his chest, and to avoid sentimentality and attachment. the plot of the episode hinges entirely on a device implanted in his brain that keeps him from feeling pain. to save his life, julian has to remove the implant, metaphorically rescuing him from fairyland and the influence of the queen who stole him away from the human world. the fairy queen is very possessive of tam lin and very disdainful of his feelings for janet; in many versions of the ballad, after janet successfully rescues him, the fairy queen remarks that if she'd known this would happen, she would have plucked out his eyes and replaced them with wood, or taken his heart and replaced it with stone.

"But had I kend, Tam Lin," said she, "What now this night I see, I wad hae taen out thy twa grey een, And put in twa een o tree." (child 39A, verse 42) 'Had I but kend, Thomas,' she says, 'Before I came frae hame, I had taen out that heart o flesh, Put in a heart o stane.' (child 39B, verse 41)

much like tain tried and failed to mold garak into the perfect emotionless spy, the fairy queen very literally wants to remove tam lin's ability to feel love, because his emotions make him harder for her to control, and in the end are what lead him to escape her clutches entirely. garak and tam lin are both saved by the same thing: their transgressive love for their rescuer, and the fierce, unconditional love they receive in return.

4. hold me fast and fear me not

the central event of the tam lin ballad, of course, is the transformation scene. i'm sure it's what makes the ballad stick in people's minds; it certainly is for me. there's something so deeply romantic about the phrase "hold me fast and fear me not," and about the idea of loving someone so much that you'll hold on to them even as they turn into a beast in your arms. the wire doesn't have as literal a transformation scene as tam lin, but i would argue that it certainly has one.

after julian removes garak's implant (which we can equate to pulling tam lin down from his horse), garak goes through withdrawal. he becomes, by turns, depressed, and angry, and spiteful, and violent. throughout the episode, we see him try to drive julian away. he refuses his help; he insults him; he tells him contradictory stories about his past, all designed to shock him; when none of this succeeds at discouraging him, he physically lashes out.

julian, however, doesn't budge. he isn't fooled by the shapes garak contorts himself into. he takes every change in stride, never wavering in his determination to save him. every person garak claims to be, julian accepts. like janet defying the fairy queen for love of tam lin, he goes as far as to enter cardassian territory and seek out enabran tain in order to save garak's life. when he believes he's about to die, garak tells julian he needs to know that someone forgives him; "i forgive you," julian says, "for whatever it is you did." whatever kind of beast garak is—whatever kind of beast tain has turned him into—julian will not let go of his hand. he will hold him fast.

He grew into her arms two Like iron in hot fire; She held him fast, let him not go, He was her heart's desire. (child 39D, verse 31)

the basic structure of these stories is the same: the main character finds out that the person they love is in immediate danger due to something they went through when they were younger, which fundamentally changed them as a person and is also keeping the two from being together. unwilling to lose their love, they brave the wrath of a powerful villain who's controlled this person's life for a long time. there are undeterred by the frightening changes the person goes through. in the end, they are victorious, and their beloved is free.

5. my dear doctor, they're all true

a closing statement: tam lin is a folktale. like any folktale, there are many, many versions of it, often contradicting each other. there is no definitive version of tam lin (though child 39A may be the most famous). you're free to read every available version of the story, finding meaning not only in the most commonly reoccurring themes, but also in which parts of the text speak to you. like garak's contradictory stories about his life, while it's hard to say whether any one element is true, every element tells you something—about the story, or about the person who tells it. my view of these story parallels is heavily influenced by my own personal interpretation of, and feelings about, the ballad. as it should be.

[torielectra83]

Garak and the Jack Pack

Want to thank

@volixia669

for giving me the idea and motivation; this is the first fic I've posted and finished in quite a while. Also gonna tag

@unicorn-and-bluebells

and

@tirlaeyn

since their DS9-related posts are what helped lead me to this (if there's a DS9-related Discord I should join, let me know); note that I'm not much of a shipper (and I'm ace), so I wasn't quite sure how to approach the Bashir/Garak relationship; I just left it in the background (and the lizard man t-shirt).

“Oh, Doctor. There you are, and I….see you’ve brought company!” As he could see, Dr. Bashir was heading for the Replimat for his typical luncheon with him, only four other people were crowded around him. A skinny man with a mustache, a stocky older man with a timid expression, a rather gregarious-looking woman, and another woman who looked rather distant. “Oh, hello Garak. I’d like to apologize for being a bit late.”

“Oh, don’t worry, given what I’m seeing it’s very much a valid excuse.” Garak had heard about the other genetically-engineered people who’d been sent to DS9 to meet Dr. Bashir, but he’d been busy with orders at his shop; he’d been thinking about hiring someone to help out, actually. “Well, that’s Jack, Patrick, Lauren and Sarina. This is my...friend Garak, he runs a tailoring shop here on the Promenade.” “Oh, hi there, Hi. Uh, I gotta go over to the replicator, I’m starving over here.” Jack promptly excused himself, while Lauren made her way to Garak next. “Well, hello, Mr. Garak.” She promptly began her flirtatious attitude. “If you’re trying to seduce me...it won’t work. I am sorry, but I do not generally do one night stands.” Surprised and somewhat disappointed, Lauren backed away.

Patrick then approached Garak. “Do you make clothes?” “Yes, I do.” Patrick then grinned eagerly. “Good, because the clothes the institute gives us are too...itchy and things like that. Do you have softer clothes?” “Well, I can certainly make some? I believe Dr. Bashir said you need “sensory-friendly” clothing?” Bashir nodded; the term was an old term from pre-warp Earth. “I’ll do it at no charge; anyone who’s a friend of Dr. Bashir is a friend of mine.” He sipped his Tarkalean tea as Jack argued with the replicator over not being able to make something, while Lauren used the other one to replicate a bowl of Vulcan plomeek soup.

“And… Sarina, is it? I’ve noticed you haven’t said anything yet.” Garak simply saw the young woman turn, before holding up a PADD, with words written on it -- “I can’t speak, If you want to have a conversation with me, use this.” She promptly set the PADD down and continued to watch Jack’s tussle with the computer. “Sarina’s unable to speak, I can explain the whole thing later Garak.” Julian felt the need to pre-emptlively apologize for their behavior. “Oh, you don’t need to. I’m seeing people with a lot of potential here.” Bashir nodded. “So do I. And not many others do. That’s why I brought them here. I want to try and help them.”

“They seem to be helping themselves.” As Garak watched, Jack had finally managed to get something from the replicator that agreed with his standards -- a ham sandwich with Bajoran mapa bread. “So, this is the irrefutable Elim Garak, huh?” Jack asked. “Yes, and I see my reputation precedes me.” Garak said politely. “That’s right. Former intelligence agent for the now-defunct Obsidian Order, exiled and now working as a tailor here on DS9.” He said hastily before ripping into his sandwich. Garak raised an eyebrow. “And how did you find that out?” He asked, a tone of interest in his voice. “Oh, you’d be surprised what you can dig up on the extranet. There’s all sorts of unsavory rumors about you, like you causing a Cardassian doctor to break down by staring at them for four hours straight.” He promptly chugged from his cup of targ milk, before continuing. “And that your father was the head of the Obsidian Order, Enabrian Tain, and he got wiped out by the Dominion when the Obsidian Order and Tal Shiar teamed up, yeah, but they didn’t know the second-in-command of the Tal Shiar was actually a Changeling leading them right into a trap!”

“I...think we will have to pick up this conversation sometime later, Doctor.” Garak was getting rather uncomfortable at all this private information being practically shouted in the Promenade. “Oh, and I’ll see what I can do about those new clothes you requested, Patrick.” As Garak walked back to his shop, getting his mind off old events, he began pondering about what to do in the present. My orders are backlogged. I simply need help. As he opened his shop doors to see the current state -- half-finished orders, bolts of fabric all over and supplies in crates he hadn’t unpacked. “I must find someone to help me. I would get Julian but he’s too busy with being in Starfleet.” Garak sighed, and began getting back to working on an order.

Some time later...

Having returned from the Defiant, Dr. Bashir went into Garak’s shop, expecting to see it as it had been for some time -- cluttered and filled with things Garak was working on. He instead found it a hive of activity. Customers were entering and exiting, some waiting for their orders, others were looking at holographic models of new clothes to order. Bashir looked around in confusion. “What the…'' Suddenly, a figure blocked by their holding of several bolts of fabric maneuvered into view. “Look out, everyone!” Bashir knew that voice. “Patrick?!” “Oh, hi, Dr. Bashir.” Patrick didn’t even turn back as he carried the bolts into the back of the shop. “Patrick, how did you get here?” Bashir followed him, and realized the entire “Jack Pack” (as someone, most likely Quark, had nicknamed them) was working there. Patrick set the bolts down for Jack, who proceeded to start measuring what exactly was needed for that order. Lauren was busy inputting data of some kind into a PADD, while Sarina was sewing an order up. “Ah, Doctor, good to see you’ve returned home safe and sound!” Garak greeted him cheerily from behind his desk.

“Garak, what is going on here? How did they…” “Well, Julian. I saw their potential and I needed help. And so far, they have been excelling at everything they’ve been doing. I haven’t been this efficient, ever!” Garak looked positively delighted at this. It was rare to see him like this, and Julian was a noted expert on Garak’s emotions. “But...what about the Institute? And Dr. Loews?” “Well, she needed a vacation, and my offer to give them steady employment was something she couldn’t pass up.”

“Oh, well then. But...how are you so busy now?” Julian wondered. “Well, their brightness led them to not only help clear my backorders, but also introduce whole new product lines based on pre-warp Earth stylings. I will admit I knew little about it, but they have brought in several new kinds of clothing. Like this ‘tee shirt’.” Garak promptly held one up, the front reading “WWCKD?” with a small line underneath reading “What Would Captain Kirk Do?” “They’ve come up with several of these things. Like this one for the USS Voyager.” The shirt had a fictional flyer on the front with a picture of Voyager, underneath a “Missing: Reward” banner as if it were a lost dog. “We’ve also re-created other Earth fashions, from “bell-bottoms” to “zoot suits”. I must admit, they make most current styles of clothing look downright boring!”

“Yeah, Dr. Bashir! Here’s one we made especially for you!” Jack promptly handed him a T-shirt and headed into the front of the shop. Julian simply looked at Garak with an expression of disbelief. “Garak, we caught them trying to pass on classified information to the Dominion, and now, they’re recommending I wear a t-shirt that says ‘If lost, return to lizard man for reward’!” He said angrily, shaking the shirt in his hand for added emphasis.

“Doctor...these people needed another chance. One that nobody else was willing to give them. And another thing...they are still very useful analysts. They can predict trends, root out information and generally think far ahead of the game. To be quite honest, they’re the best analysts I’ve ever seen. “ Garak admitted. “Yeah, where else can you get a nice new pair of pants and information of Dominion troop movements?” Lauren commented.

“So...you’re basically running your own intelligence service out of this shop.” Bashir muttered, running his hand through his hair. “Well, there has to be a third-party intel service somewhere. With the Obsidian Order gone, there’s a market for it; we used to take on clients for analysis as a method for extra revenue. Strictly off the books, of course. So that’s what I’m doing now.” Garak reasoned. “And we aren’t just doing war intelligence either; we’ve got multiple projects for the Ferengi Alliance, the First Federation and the Gorn Hegemony for analyzing things like market trends, population censuses and whatnot.” Patrick nodded. “Yeah, Grand Nagus Zek and Ishka appreciate it! We got in touch with them thanks to the Ferengi maintenance guy, oh, what was his name…”

“Rom, that’s him. Real friendly guy. Came up with the self-replicating mines around the wormhole and keeps the holosuites running, real good guy.” Jack said at his normal speedy pace, before returning to his fabric measuring. Sarina promptly passed a PADD to Bashir, with a message reading “This is the best we’ve been treated in years. We’re working for ourselves, we’re constantly kept active, and we’re being paid 5 strips of latinum an hour.”

“Anyway, I’ll see you later, Doctor. We’ve got a lot to do before closing time today. After that we can meet at Quark’s, perhaps? Jack came up with this astounding holo-program based on another pre-warp Earth cultural thing, a “game show” called...Wipeout, yes. It involved picking the right answers and avoiding the wrong ones, it’s fascinating. But we have work to do and I’m sure you have work in the infirmary.”

Garak promptly ushered Dr. Bashir out of the store and back onto the Promenade. “...what just happened?”

[lorenzobane]

Darling, I'm Intoxicated

(A/N: @wanderingwriter87 I don't know- this just came up and slapped me in the face and I blame you. On AO3 here)

Summary: Garak gets a bit too drunk.

“This is ridiculous.”

“No, it is not. You should be flattered that you were invited! I’m so happy you’re branching out more, making new friends–” 

“Stop talking to me like I’m a child, Julian.” 

Julian rolls his eyes. One of Garak’s colleagues at the local municipal building where he acts as County Notary (a job both serving the state but decidedly banal, which Julian knows Garak finds uniquely frustrating) has invited him to his Kosse ceremony. Julian understands the ceremony is quite similar to the Terran custom of bachelor parties, complete with strippers and copious alcohol. 

Garak hadn’t had one. 

Julian had certainly tried to persuade him; he had even said they could share a bachelor party if Garak were so hesitant to have his own (which had been met with a furious noise from Miles over subspace when he told him about it later). Garak remained firm in his refusal, and so Julian eventually gave in. 

It isn’t that the party itself is so significant, Julian thinks. It is more what the party represents, namely- friends. Julian has always been good about joining sports teams and throwing himself into the deep end of social dynamics, social skills be damned, and on Cardassia, he has pretty good success. He is part of a tennis league that meets biweekly, formed of Federation aid workers and local Cardassians who had picked up the game, his coworkers at the hospital he sometimes got drinks with, and, of course, a standing subspace call with Miles. 

Garak has, well, he has him. Julian loves Garak with his entire being. He adores him, wants nothing but joy and happiness from him, relishes talking to him, and could easily spend whole days just lost in him. 

But. But that isn’t healthy, and it isn’t fair. Julian dated a Councilor long enough to know that, at least. 

So, Julian says, “stop behaving like a child then.” 

Garak gives him a look that could drill a hole for dilithium. 

“Now, message me if you need a ride home. I won’t be going anywhere, so any time.” 

“I think I am perfectly capable of finding my way home in the city I was raised in, Doctor.”

“And we are all very impressed,” Julian says soothingly. “Still, call. I’m off tomorrow, so it won’t be a bother.” 

“Which is why I don’t understand why you can’t come with me.”

“Because I wasn’t invited,” Julian reminds him playfully. “Also, you can’t have a couple at your Bachelor Party! Ruines the energy of debauchery.” 

“I will take your word for it.” 

Julian starts steering him towards the door, pressing his comm into his hands. “Have fun!” 

Garak opens his mouth to respond, so Julian cheerfully shuts the door on his face.

Julian looked around their small living room; he isn’t often alone and finds that he’s excited to have a night to himself. Maybe he can watch that new holodrama he’s been meaning to binge, but Garak hasn’t been interested. 

He snuggles in and settles into finally being able to watch something without constant commentary. 

Several hours later, Julian wakes up on the couch to a message notification. He blinks once, not remembering when he fell asleep in the first place, and then reads the message. 

Elim Garak: Darling, I am intoxicated.

Julian chuckles softly under his breath. 

Julian Bashir: Would you like me to pick you up? 

Elim Garak: That would be most appreciated, my dear. 

Julian looks at the time, and his eyes widen; it is late. Much later than Julian thought Garak would be willing to stay out and definitely later than Julian himself had stayed out since Jadzia’s parties on Deep Space Nine. 

He shakes the cobwebs loose and heads for their hovercraft before checking Garak’s location on his PADD and chuckling. 

A Glinn’s Pleasure, a Cardassian Strip Club. There was a term for it (ss’kishta) but for all purposes, it was a strip club. 

Good for him, Julian thinks with a grin. Poor dear so rarely gets to see any scale. Julian has never been the jealous type, and he is perfectly aware that Garak does nothing quickly. He doesn’t eat quickly, doesn’t shower quickly, and doesn’t fuck quickly.

Julian can attest to that. It only took him ten years. 

By the time he gets there, it seems only the Kosse ceremony group is left, with the younger men still vigorously hollering at the dancers. Julian scans the room for signs of his wayward husband when he sees him slumped over a chair in the back of the bar. He’s actually surprised that Garak allowed himself to get this intoxicated with strangers, but he’ll get the full story of how this happened later. 

He walks over to him, ready to gingerly wake him when he looks at the image Garak fell asleep looking at. It was a picture from a vacation they went on two months ago; Julian was wearing a pink shirt that was barely buttoned, gesturing wildly with his hands in the warm Risian sun. His wedding band caught in the light. 

Julian softens even more and gently presses a hand on Garak’s shoulder. “Elim, are you ready to go?” 

“Julian?” 

“Yes, are you ready to go home?” 

“Yes,” Garak responds, almost desperately swaying into his arms. 

Julian chuckles, “Okay, okay, I’ve got you.” 

He maneuvers them out of the bar taking great pains to keep his partner as upright as possible. Julian passes a brief wave to the boys, who are still partying, as he lugs his husband to the hovercraft. 

As soon as he helps him sit, Garak falls asleep. Julian presses a fond kiss to Garak’s temple and then drives them both home.

Once he manages to get Garak up to their room, and in their bed, he walks back to the living room and orders a hangover cure from the replicator. It works best if applied before sleep to prevent hangover symptoms in the morning rather than curing them once they have already appeared. 

There is a quiet hiss of the hypospray unloading into Garak’s neck, who doesn’t even twitch. A flash of alarm rings through him- Garak is always alert. 

Taking a half step back, watching that Garak is still breathing steadily, he reaches for his tricorder, heart racing. 

Julian sighs and shakes his head at himself, nothing. He’s perfectly fine, save for the dehydration from the alcohol. Exasperated with himself, the war was years ago; he lays down too. 

Julian wakes up before Garak does, which is unsurprising but still sends him to his tricorder for one more quick scan before he officially calls himself paranoid. 

Garak eventually wakes up, wandering into the living room in his traditional robe and perfect posture. Even his hair is neatly plaited. 

“Good morning, love,” Julian says with a smile. 

Garak inclines his head at him, oddly polite, but Julian ignores it. 

“So,” Julian starts, “how was last night?” 

“A tawdry affair,” Garak begins, sighing dramatically. “A bunch of headstrong, foolish young men. The state only knows why they even wanted an old timer like me along.” 

“Of course,” Julian says, his lips curling around a tea cup's rim. “Though I’m sure you still gave them a run for their money,” 

“Oh,” Garak chucked, “I tried to keep up. Though, it has been some time since I have consumed in such excess. I must say, I find myself… surprised by the lack of consequences.” 

Julian gave him a questioning look. “I gave you a hangover treatment last night, of course. It is always better to prevent the problem than to treat it.”

Garak looks at him, seeming almost surprised for half a second before he nods. “Of course. I never doubt your medical expertise. I just presumed that perhaps you’d be more… Upset.” 

“Upset? About what?” 

“Well, that I allowed such an overindulgence. You do so often harp on me about the importance of moderation.” 

“Because it is important, but Garak, going out with your friends every once in a while and having a bit too much isn’t something you need to be punished for. I’m certainly not upset.” 

“Nor about the rather… lewd displays at the venue where you found me?” 

Julian rolls his eyes and goes over to him, pressing a firm kiss on his cheek. “Elim, love, I knew that. Remember? Now, did you have fun?” 

Garak looks conflicted before he smiles, “Well, it has been some time since I’ve seen another Cardassian’s chuva. So, that was refreshing, though surprisingly uninspiring. I suppose I simply have different tastes now.” 

Julian laughs, nuzzling his face into Garak’s neck. He can read between the lines.

[helisol]

Wait so.. link to this quodo fic you mentioned in your tags?? I’m intrigued :DD

its only an idea but i will HAPPILY ramble about it in detail under this read more because i never finish writing fics but i do love sharing my notes.

they get Pretty Extensive considering this clocked in at 2k words. so strap in.

tl;dr: karaoke night gone wild leads to garashir and quodo setting each other up for holodeck shenanigans

so basically quark has acquired a karaoke program. everyone on ds9 is going mad about it and it's keeping the holosuites booked out for weeks

the main squad decides to try it out and they just jam to a mix of human, klingon and bajoran music. but lets be real it's mostly human music because i have a mighty need to see captain benjamin sisko tear up the dancefloor to Earth Wind & Fire’s September. so sue me.

anyway everyone has to sing, even odo, even garak and they all have a blast. the only person who is notably absent is Quark because Quark has a bar to run and Quark can't indulge in mindless fun activities when he has money to make.

Unless… Odo challenges him and he has to prove that Odo is wrong.

so yeah quark checks on the gang to see how they like this “Hooman Kara-oke” and if he can sell them some drinks and everyone is like “hey you should sing. just one song. we won't even laugh about your bad ferengi singing! we promise!"

and quark is about to say "ferengi voices arent that bad. im still not gonna sing tho."

but odo is ahead of the game and insults his grating voice and how it could only be worse in song. and because this is quark he’s like “actually fuck you. now I WILL sing.”

so he snatches the mic from whoever was about to go next and fucking Crushes It. 

while odo starts Looking Respectfully everyone else is just going "woooooo! go quark!" which makes quark just get even more into it

Takes His Jacket Off, Drops It On The Floor, Dances With The Microphone Stand. The Works. and he's also enjoying himself like "haha! suck it odo! i'm a good performer, it's how I make money!"

until he actually looks at Odo and Odo is Looking Back and then he’s like “wait what the fuck why is he looking at me” and Promptly Messes Up A Step And Falls Off The Stage-

so now quark has a twisted ankle and julian has to take him to the infirmary, which bums out quite literally Everyone and the gathering disperses, leaving only Garak and Odo.

garak as we know is but a simple tailor, but he’s Observant and his little lizard eyes did spy odo looking at quark and making the soup-version of heart eyes. we also know he is the gayest bicth on this station so of course he’s going to poke and prod at odo to see how he reacts.

garak waits until everyone is out of the room and asks odo if he can walk the dear constable home to the ol’ bucket. because odo looked a little melty during quark’s performance, y’know. it’d be bad if he turned into soup on the promenade.

odo denies this, of course, so garak is like “oh great then we can have a Chat :)”

and odo goes "wait no i hate talking” but then they’re in garaks shop and drinking kanar and garak is getting drunk off his lizard ass and talking about Julian because, again, he IS THAT BITCH!

meanwhile in the infirmary, Julian is trying to take care of quark’s ankle, but since he’s nosy and kinda Knows that quark wouldn’t just mess up his steps for no reason he asks about that.

and quark loudly goes “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS JUST FIX MY DAMN ANKLE-”

which of course turns the nosyness up to 11 and has julian going 👀

"no i mean uh- i was distracted" "distracted? by what?" "nothing" "distracted by nothing?" "FIX. MY. ANKLE."

so julian sits him down on a biobed and gets whatever medical thingie fixes ankles in the 24th century. and while he does that he offers quark some wine to loosen the tongue about what made him slip.

anyway one thing leads to another and before you know it quark and julian are wine-drunk sitting on the infirmary floor and talking about garak. which suits quark just fine because it means he doesn’t have to admit he fell because odo was looking at him like he just revealed all the secrets of the universe along with his bare arms when he took off his jacket.

so we have two sets of gay idiots getting drunk in two locations and the next morning two sets of gay idiots have hangovers. yes odo gets a hangover. being soup does not exempt him from it.

julian and odo do the right, logical thing and take some meds to go to work and be productive and garak shows up in the bar to fight fire with fire and finds quark Already Doing That. 

so they just sit next to each other, beating their hangovers with more alcohol, and they get to talking.

garak goes on about how he took odo home and pretty much only talked about julian all night and quark is like “wow what a coincidence, the doctor and i only talked about you all night.” 

and it's all downhill from there because basically quark and garak just figured out that the garashir pining is Mutual.

"wait, julian was looking at me???" "yes." "AND I WAS LOOKING AT JULIAN-" "Yes."

and then they hash out this elaborate scheme to trap julian and garak in one of the Spy holosuite programs until they make out. this is garak and quark planning. how could they NOT make an elaborate scheme involving holosuites.

anyway i promised quodo so i will keep the ‘garashir makes out in the holosuite’ section a lil more brief

so within the next two days these two gay bitches whip up a new “The Adventures Of Agent Bashir” program, but quark has ‘adjusted’ the program a little so that it only ends when the main characters kiss. fun stuff.

garak and julian go through the program, havin a blast being spies, but at the end garak’s character gets “shot”, and they are so immersed in the story that julian is Actually Concerned and garak Actually Acts like he's in pain.

they kiss, the program ends, and garak- not actually shot- goes “haha gotcha, you wanted to kiss me before i died” 

so they walk out the holosuite one hour after their time is already up with a lot of hickeys and untied bowties. hooray.

But That’s Not What We’re Here For.

after garak and julian come down from the high of getting together julian asks Just How and Why quark would agree to help with this. quark Never helps Unless he’s helping himself.

and they realised Quark Has Played Them Like Cheap Kazoos. he just wanted to take attention away from himself and the unanswered question of why he suddenly fell off the stage.

so they go "wait, if odo and quark were both lying and obscuring facts and being weird about this, doesn't that mean- ohhh"

and it boils down to them deciding to help those poor fuckers because they are apparently off even worse than they were in terms of mutual pining.

they also hash out an elaborate scheme. this time it involves odo’s never ending hard on for finding reasons to throw quark into jail.

since quark technically violated the holosuite rules by locking garak and julian in there garak goes over to odo to report the “Crime”

after some back and forth about Why In The World Garak, Friend And Tailor, would report a crime to odo that doesn’t affect anyone’s safety Odo heads to the bar to investigate the holosuites and if there really was criminal activity.

he doesn’t ask quark for permission, mostly because he’d never ask permission to snoop around in quark’s property but also because quark is actually not there at the moment. for Some Reason he’s being held up in the infirmary. Weird.

so odo is looking through the holosuite recordings of the last few days, and he runs through what garak said was the illegal activity of locking them in there and just goes "Ah, alright, i can throw him in a holding cell for that.” but then he sees a message left by garak.

it was apparently left there today so garak must have prepared this which means something is afoot. and the message just reads "the karaoke session was recorded and you might wanna check what Actually™ made quark trip :)"

to which odo reacts with "hmph. why should i care. maybe hes just messing with me and quark tripped over a cable." but Odo looks at it anyway. respectfully.

and he watches the whole performance up until the point where quark falls. Multiple Times. until he remembers that this is a criminal investigation and he finally looks at the part where he falls from quark’s perspective, which is the important one.

and he just. looks right at himself. looking at quark.

and holy shit. he looked at him like he was going to shove him against a wall, not to beat him up, but to make out with him. he straight up looked like he was going to mess him up but not with his fists.

so he stands right in front of quark and replays that moment to see quark’s reaction and analyse how he fell. and sure enough quark Saw Him and his knees gave out.

after that he really just wants to walk out and spend the next 30 hours as a houseplant to cleanse his mind of any quark-related thoughts but uh oh. when he opens the holosuite door Quark Is Right There.

and odo panics and just pulls him inside, accidentally re-initiating the spy program.

“But how did Quark happen to be there at just the right time?” i hear you ask well it was OUR MAN BASHIR

while garak was at odos place telling him to investigate quark’s wrongdoings, quark himself got called to the infirmary for a check-up on his twisted ankle.

and julian kept him there, examining his ankle over and over, until garak came in to Insinuate that Someone is snooping around in the holosuites.

so quark, yelling "NO COPS IN MY BAR", hurries over to the holosuites on his totally fine ankle and bada bing bada boom, here we are.

with two idiots stuck in a locked holosuite.

odo is like "QUARK WTF" meanwhile quark is like "ODO WTF"

"YOU LOCKED US IN A HOLOSUITE" "NO YOU LOCKED US IN A HOLOSUITE" ”well it was you who pulled me in here" "but it was you who designed it like this"

anyway to get out they have to go through the program somehow. quark and garak programmed this very carefully. unless they follow the general story, there’s no way out.

and at first quark says "listen, its okay, we just have to kiss" to which odo replies with that kinda look you’d get from someone if you told them to swallow a cactus whole, for fun.

"you heard me" "quark if this is a joke-" "its not. i made rom pull an all nighter to put in the new sensors." "you paid him for this???" "no." "right of course."

and after a very quick cheek kiss doesn’t end up doing the trick the two actually go through the program properly. except quark knows the script, cheats a little, takes shortcuts and totally doesnt impress odo by shooting a few hologram guards on the way.

so they get to the end, where they believe odo is supposed to get “shot”, but turns out they mixed up the roles and quark is the one who gets shot.

And Odo Doesn’t Know. The Safeties. Are. On.

so he tearfully goes "WAIT NO- QUARK!" and quark is like "odo...odo come closer..."

"yes, quark?"

"kiss me"

"quark please dont die i'll kiss you and we'll beam you straight to the infirmary and-" "ODO JUST KISS ME"

and then they kiss. the holosuite controls unlock and quark thinks ‘oh great, now we can leave-’ but odo doesnt stop kissing him

and he doesn’t Stop kissing him until quark actually speaks up and has to go "HEY IF THIS WERE REAL I’D BE DYING BY NOW-"

"what?" "the safeties are on. I didn’t get shot. you just had to kiss me to unlock the controls-"

and odo is like "QUARK"

and quark is like "ODO"

and then odo gets up and is very convinced that he Must Turn Into A Houseplant For A Ferengi Lifespan To Atone For His Sins.

but quark says “no, wait. can you do it again?”

"yelling at you?" "kissing me."

anyway odo finally gets to fulfill his fantasy of pushing quark against a wall and quark finally gets kissed by odo like hes dreamed of for like 15 years or however long ago it was that they were first on terok nor together during the cardassian occupation.

the end.

[abigailnussbaum]

How to do Garak/Bashir in Canon DS9

Yesterday there was a fun tweet asking people how they would remake DS9 if they were given the option today.

Which led to some fun discussions (you can see my answers here). Obviously one thing that pretty much everyone said was “canon Garak/Bashir”. That’s generally considered one of the show’s big missed opportunities, with both Andrew J. Robinson and some of the show’s producers expressing regret over never having gone there. But it did get me thinking: how would you tell this sort of story? Because look, it’s one thing to write Garak/Bashir in fanfic, filling in gaps in the canon or changing the entire tone of the story to suit your ‘ship. But if you’re retelling DS9 along basically the same lines - the end of the Cardassian occupation, the discovery of the wormhole, the Jem’hadar, the Dominion, the war with Cardassia - and with the personalities of the characters and the tone of the show largely unchanged, how do you fit Garak/Bashir into that story?

There are some obvious issues with trying to work this ship into the show’s story and overall tone. For one thing, Bashir is a Starfleet officer. We like to make fun of his early, annoying incarnation, but even in that form he is clearly a decent, principled man with strong values. It’s one thing to flirt (literally or figuratively) with a mysterious, sexy spy, but getting into a relationship with him would not only be stupid, it would run counter to Bashir’s image of himself. You could go in a dark direction with this - Garak seduces Bashir purely as a way of gaining power over him (and perhaps out of force of habit); maybe they end up in a kind of Hannibal/Will relationship. But that doesn’t seem sustainable in the long-term, or congruent with the type of show DS9 was. Bashir can’t trust Garak, and Garak has done things that Bashir would consider disgusting. That’s something you have to take into consideration if you want to write them as a long-term couple.

It’s also worth considering that, as much as the Garak/Bashir pairing lingers over the fannish perception of the show, it’s not actually that prominent in the series itself. The last episode that I would call a Garak/Bashir story, “Our Man Bashir”, is an early S4 episode, well before the Dominion War happens. And Garak is absent for a lot of the later developments in Bashir’s life - “Doctor Bashir, I Presume” (you’d think Garak, with his complicated relationship with his father, would have something to say about Julian having been illegally genetically enhanced by his parents) or “Statistical Probabilities” (a troupe of savants who claim to be able to predict the course of the war would surely be of interest to Garak). In most of these stories, Bashir is accompanied by O’Brien, a much safer option as far as suppressed sexual tension is concerned (it should go without saying that this feels like a deliberate choice on the show’s part, to undermine any idea of a Garak/Bashir relationship). Meanwhile, Bashir is absent from most of Garak’s important Dominion War stories - his relationship with Ziyal and her death, his position in Damar’s rebellion, “In the Pale Moonlight”. So if you’re going to retell DS9 with Garak/Bashir as a real ship, you'd have to rewrite a lot of these stories to take that into account.

Finally, you’ve got the show’s ending, which is an extremely dark one for Garak, who gets everything he thought he wanted - his position restored, a place of honor in Cardassian society - just at the point where Cardassia is decimated and, in his words, left dead. Working a romance with Bashir into this ending would be tricky, and risks ending up with the final scenes of Man of Steel - two people making out atop a mass grave.

(Obviously, I’m taking it as a given that this hypothetical version of DS9 is much, much better at writing mature, complicated romantic relationships than the real one. Most actual DS9 romance was painfully juvenile, and the one exception, Sisko/Kasidy, was also an extremely low-drama ship - Sisko literally sent Kasidy to jail and the next time they met they were like “so, that was a bit of a bump in the road; dinner later?” It should go without saying that Garak/Bashir would not be a low-drama ship, so the writing would need to be there to support it.)

Anyway, complicated but obviously not impossible. This is what I’ve come up with for how I would rewrite the show with Garak/Bashir as an ongoing couple. I’m sure there’s plenty of fanfic with other, better ideas.

To start with, lose the claustrophobia business. Or, you know, keep it, but the reason Garak was expelled from the Obsidian Order and banished from Cardassia is that he’s gay. (To be fair, I feel like “claustrophobia” was pretty clearly code even in the original show.) A lot of people in the upper echelons of the Cardassian hierarchy know this - Dukat certainly knows - and miss no opportunity to harass him about it.

Obviously, in this version of the show Cardassia is deeply queerphobic. I don’t think this is a huge leap. Cardassian society is deeply conformist, and family-oriented in a fascist-adjacent sort of way that prioritizes the father as the master of the home. It’s hard to imagine a society like that tolerating deviations from gender norms, and it seems fair to assume that reprecussions for such deviations would be severe.

Garak doesn’t actually have a problem with this - or at least, not that he expresses. Garak’s defining trait is that he believes in, and loves, Cardassia deeply, and espouses its chauvinistic (in both senses of the word) values to anyone who will listen. But at the same time, he’s smart enough (and enough of an outsider) to know how hollow and destructive those values really are. So Garak will explain to anyone who challenges him on it that Cardassian homophobia is right and proper, while knowing that he has fallen victim to it himself.

Bashir is out. Though “out” might not be the right word because the Federation is so nonchalant about queerness that the notion of being closeted doesn’t really exist anymore (this is a version of Star Trek where we actually follow through on the promise of a more progressive future). But at any rate, to Bashir and the other Starfleet characters, him being gay is so unremarkable that it doesn’t even come up until his and Garak’s frienship is already established. This deeply shocks Garak - he knew humans were perverted, but the good Doctor, his friend? Bashir, meanwhile, wastes no opportunity to needle Garak about his society’s barbaric homophobia (Garak: “humans may be prone to such... urges, but Cardassians are made of finer stuff”; Bashir: *rolls eyes so hard he can see the back of his head*). But at the same time, and without being entirely willing to admit it to himself, Garak is intrigued.

And so we continue for about five seasons. Garak flirts with Bashir, partly because he thinks this is a way of unsettling the good Doctor, but really because he wants him. Bashir assumes that it’s all an act, and plays along with it a little because, hey, sexy spy. But he never imagines that it could go somewhere real, and probably wouldn’t follow through if it did.

And then Bashir gets replaced with a Changeling (this is a version of DS9 where that idea was seeded throughout the first half of the fifth season instead of being decided on five minutes before “In Purgatory’s Shadow” started shooting). And the changeling takes one look at Garak, sees an obvious in, and seduces him. Which clearly causes some awkwardness when Garak finds the real Bashir in a Dominion prison camp.

Bashir finds out. Worf tells him (this is a version of Worf who isn’t weirdly sexist and judgmental about other people’s sex lives). (Bashir: “why is Garak being so weird around me?”; Worf: “he and the fake you were doing it”; Bashir: “what”; Worf: “they were boning”; Bashir: “WHAT”; Worf: “they were engaging in sexual intercourse”; Bashir: “that's not possible. Garak only flirts with me to keep me on my toes”; Worf: *shrugs* “if that’s what you want to call it”.)

So now Bashir is upset because he’s spent the last five years bugging Garak about Cardassian homophobia and it turns out that Garak was a victim of it, plus he’s now been victimized by someone wearing Bashir’s face. And Garak is upset because he let his attraction to Bashir (Garak: “my base lust!”) blind him to the fact that his friend had been replaced by a changeling, leading to him being comromised as an agent (I will leave it as an exercise to the readers which one bothers him more). And, well, if you can’t get from there to romance on your own, you may not have read enough fanfic in your life.

Then you get the war, and honestly, I don’t know. You could do an on/off thing. You could make it a very casual relationship in between the two of them trying not to die and/or lose the Alpha Quadrant to the Dominion. You could have Bashir say “fuck it, I might die tomorrow and this guy makes me happy; who cares if my boyfriend is a liar and a murderer”. You could even go the Worf/Jadzia route and have them muse romantically about having a life together after the war. But either way, they spend more time around each other than they did in the original series.

But! When Garak goes back to Cardassia to help Damar’s rebellion, there’s a lot of tension between them, because Damar heard from Dukat that Garak is a pervert (you could still keep Ziyal’s death and Garak’s anger at Damar over it; those two always made more sense as friends anyway). And then it turns out that there’s an entire Cardassian queer underground, and in typical Cardassian fashion they’ve turned it into a whole spy network with operatives at every level of government. (Garak: “why did you never approach me?”; queer Cardassian underground: “dude, have you met you?”) And they’re willing to work with Damar if he promises that in the new Cardassia, they will no longer be persecuted (I think this dovetails pretty nicely with Garak’s observation that Damar needs to be disillusioned about the flaws of Cardassian society). So all of a sudden Garak is looking at a future where what he is doesn’t make him a pariah anymore.

And then you get to the destruction of Cardassia, and, again, I’m not sure how that combines with Garak/Bashir. The entire ending of DS9 is pretty rough on romantic pairings in general, but at least when Kira/Odo and Sisko/Kasidy break up, it’s bittersweet, and in service of other new beginnings. Garak’s ending is just bleak, and I’m not sure how you deal with a romance on top of that. The best I can come up with is Bashir saying “yes, this is horrible, but you can rebuild, and if you need my help with that, I’m not far”, leaving a door open for them to reconnect in the future.

Thoughts?

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

Headcanon: Julian Bashir is autistic and has frequent sensory overload, and the only two people who can help him are Garek and O’ Brien. Me? Projecting? It’s more likely than you think!!!

Ha, moooood. Which on that note I have a somewhat intense fic here in which Julian has a meltdown. It’s not related to sensory issues so much as “oh boy a lot of shit’s happened to him” but if you want more O'Brien helping him out after this – so because we gave that fic to O'Brien, let’s give this one to Garak.

Also can we talk about the fact that it’s canon that Julian and the other augments can hear sounds at decibels that non-augments can’t and that it causes them pain, but Julian just taught himself to not react, like fuck, how did someone write this and not follow through on Julian-Bashir-is-autistic-and-or-otherwise-nd!

sorry for taking so long, a. this got a bit longish so it’s under a cut and b. I got distracted by the fact that I always want to see everyone’s notes on reblogs in case of interesting discussion points and i have just now learnt that that cannot be done easily if a lot of people reblog at once… oh hyper-fixation how you get me time and again

this takes place post-Doctor Bashir I Presume and alludes to the fact that during this time Garak and Bashir’s interactions were gradually stripped away in the show (because it too gay) - Andy Robinson ran with that in A Stitch In Time and had Garak write about how much he regretted the two of them not remaining close/hinted that he was in love with him… so take that background as you will.

—— More Space ——-

Thank goodness, he thought after an indeterminate amount of time. O'Brien was here. He would be able to calm him down, he would know how to come up with some soothing description of exactly which of DS9’s pistons or pipes or programs was currently making that noise and he’d either fix it or stay with him until it sorted itself out. Or maybe the noise was gone and the residual whining was just himself recreating it perfectly in his head, or maybe he was just too far gone by now for it to matter, but O'Brien would help. Since the two of them had become friends and some of Julian’s old ticks had returned after his augmentation had come to light, Miles had been a surprisingly steady presence in his life.

“Doctor?”

No, not Miles.

Garak.

He couldn’t make himself respond. His body felt like it was compressing him into a vice, with all his ability to focus somehow splintered into a million shards, each of them painful to the touch. Oh no, what if Garak touched him? If Garak touched him right now he might shatter or scream or something else entirely outside of his control, but talking was also impossible right now, so he couldn’t ask him not to touch, please don’t touch-

Garak sat down in front of him, far enough away that it didn’t feel like too… much.

“Doctor. You don’t need to say or do anything.”

He could manage that.

“I was wondering why you’d missed our lunch date. Very pleased to find you didn’t simply opt not to come without telling me, although I find the alternative to be distressing.”  He stopped talking for a moment then. “Apologies for breaking into your room. Again.”

While Garak simply sat and occasionally spoke Julian was dimly aware of the fact that he could feel his edges hardening again. The shards were being pulled back together.

He also noticed now that he was freezing. It usually happened like that, having sat sedentary for however long or coming down from some emotional extreme. He shivered.

“This station is cold,” said Garak.“The temperature, the lights, the people… all too cold.”

Julian managed a smile and it was like his mouth was freed from a curse. “It is, isn’t it.”

“Not to mention loud,” Garak added.

“All that machinery,” Julian nodded and spoke slowly. His mouth still needed to unstick. “Every time an alarm goes it’s like a sharp pain… I used to be… much better at this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I used to… I used to get these all the time as a child. Meltdowns, shutdowns, I think. But then my parents told me later that it was a side-effect of the augmentations and I tried to… to will myself to stop them, to bypass my natural instincts in order to not be found out and it worked, in a way, or at least nobody found out. I familiarised myself with and categorised any sights, sounds, smells, feelings I came across on earth during my Starfleet training and ordered them into lists and sublists: What I could handle mostly, what I could handle sometimes, what I needed to avoid at all costs. I managed to… to pretend. And then I came to Deep Space Nine and for awhile it was all too much again, I had to make new lists, but I managed, I really… I really did, I really did, I really-” he was talking himself into hyperventilating again, he knew this, but he couldn’t stop now, “- and then I got captured and it was like everything just stopped. I barely- I don’t even remember most of it, but when I got back it was so much worse -”

“Julian,” said Garak and the sound of his first name coming from Garak’s mouth surprised him back to the now. “Julian,” said Garak again. “You’re here. With me. On a floor that is quite cold, I might add.”

Julian breathed out and mumbled under the exhale. “One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.”

“What is that,” asked Garak.

“Counting my fingers. It… helps.”

“Noted,” and the easy way in which Garak seemed to have just accepted that he would be helping Julian again in future was another shock to his system, but then why wouldn’t he? Even if they hadn’t met up as often as they used to. Even if he was untrustworthy at heart and Julian could never figure out why Garak wanted his company at all. He found he missed Garak’s simple and complicated nature. It grounded him, somehow.

He got up off the floor, reaching out for Garak when he stumbled. He held him just tight enough to make sure that he wouldn’t fall. Not overcrowding – Julian suddenly remembered that Garak was claustrophobic. He must know how easily sensory inputs could become too much.

At Garak’s questioningly soft hold on his arm, Julian nodded and he helped him to the sofa. “Would you like some water?”

Julian nodded. As Garak went to fetch it, he began to talk again. Somehow… he just needed to get it out now, like an excision. “After the truth came out my mother told me that they’d been lying. I mean, they’ve been lying about so much, but specifically about this. I’ve always been like this. Or. Some of it. The meltdowns. I thought… those memories weren’t real. But now they are? Some of them. I’m having trouble sorting them.”

Garak handed him the water.

“I developed a theory,” said Julian, forgetting to sip.

“Tell me your theory doctor,” said Garak, his tone of voice tender as he sat down beside him, again, close enough if he needed him, but not too close.

“I was wondering why a heightened inability to process inputs was a side-effect of the vast majority of augments, when I had this inability before my augmentation. I started to suspect that it was less to do with the augmentations and was simply… who we were. The augmentations gone wrong could throw that into extremes, but that may have more to do with medical trauma responses than… anyway, I can’t confirm until I have more data. I did research into my own developmental delays, the medical history – it’s fascinating how we repeat cycles actually, first it was considered a form of possession or changelings, then it began to be classed under a broad form of what would be known as schizophrenia, then divided into narrow and still somewhat inaccurate categories of autism, aspergers, adhd, add, high and low functioning etcera, and then was gradually broadened again under general brain-differences known as neuroatypicals or neurodiverse,” he took a breath and continued: “- I’m not too interested in 21st century history honestly, but I know the government upheavals affected medical classifications and concepts of what was known broadly as “disabilities” at the time, and that it fundamentally shifted again once we formed the federation. But then -” and here he started gesticulating widely in excitement or outrage - “it all becomes the same just repackaged, doesn’t? Stigma against augments who are overwhelmingly people like me is stigma against neurodiversity is stigma against the “possessed,” it’s…” he trailed off. “It’s all the same,” he finished lamely.

He’d become very aware suddenly that he’d done that thing that annoyed most of the people he ever conversed with, running his mouth while forgetting the other person. But Garak didn’t seem annoyed. He was listening intently, in fact. At the pause he even nodded and offered: “The history of such matters is different on Cardassia. Or rather, mental and developmental differences don’t get acknowledged on Cardassia.”

“Eugenics?” said Julian with a frown.

“Not as such. We don’t mind in theory, as long as everyone can perform the tasks they’re assigned to. It’s a… class thing. If you belong to a powerful family and are expected to do great things in the army or politics or the sciences, being unable to do so for any reason is usually – what is the term humans use? - “Swept under the rug.” But then someone like you, dear doctor, if you had been Cardassian it might surprisingly have been easier for you.”

Julian shook his head. “My abilities are due to my augmentations. I’d have been… I don’t know. Not me,” he said softly.

At that, Garak gave him a look that he couldn’t pin down. Something… surprised for a moment, almost? Then smoothed out into an enigmatic smile. “Perhaps. From what you tell me you’ve always processed like you do, you’ve just been given better tools to translate and more…” he searched for the word for a second, before landing on: “space.”

At that Julian burst out into an unexpected laugh. “I certainly have enough space out here. More than enough, I’d say.”

Garak’s smile deepened. “But it doesn’t matter. Either you were always going to be able to pursue medicine and the stigmas of your parents and surrounding society were preventing you from discovering that on your own, or your augmentations made you unlock new abilities. But on Cardassia someone with the kind of passion you possess would have done well, with or without them.”

“If I were born into the right class. And if I didn’t get arrested for being fundamentally against the militaristic state.”

“Naturally,” acceded Garak. “And I must say I’m quite relieved to find the incorruptible, perfect federation comes with its own flaws. One wouldn’t have expected it with the way humans constantly go on about it.”

“Oh, we go on about the federation? According to you Cardassia is superior in culture -”

“- oh, definitely -”

“- politics -”

“- without a doubt, my dear -”

“- criminal justice system?”

“- well, we’ve never brought a wrong case before the court-”

“- I know you’re just saying that to rile me up-”

“- my dear doctor, when have I ever been anything but sincere?”

“- when have you ever said anything you meant?”

“- I am offended, truly-” said Garak with a big grin on his face.

Julian found it the easiest thing in the galaxy to return.

“Remember to drink your water,” he was reminded, gently, before they continued their lunch discussion. It was a moment in which they both forgot that they had ever begun to drift apart in the first place.

—— The End ——-

[miss-spooky-eyes]

OC Inspirations: Devinahl & Indy

I was (delightfully) tagged by @vespertine-legacy​ a while ago and I’ve hesitated to do this because I knew I was going to talk WAY too much - but it was weighing on me, so I decided to open up about the sources from which I stole, that is, drew inspiration for Devinahl and Indirae.

What three fictional characters is your OC a combination of?  

This doesn’t apply to every OC - not even mine - but its certainly true for a few : Many of our characters are, to an extent, inspired by characters we see in movies, books, games, TV shows, etc.

Does this apply to any of your OCs? Was it a conscious decision on your part or not? Is your OC a combination of three (or more) fictional characters?

If so - post some GIFs / pics and tell us about them! What does your OC draw from other characters?

Too much Devinahl & Indy chat after the cut.

DEVINAHL

The truth is that when I came to creating my Imperial Agent Devinahl, and in particular fleshing out her backstory in far, far too much detail, there were some sources that I went to extremely explicitly and deliberately. And chief among them was ...

1. Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

That’s right. Garak from Deep Space Nine. Plain, simple Garak. Outcast. Exile. Spy. Addict. Perennial liar. Patriot. Terrorist. Would-be genocider. Very good tailor.

(If you haven’t seen DS9, then you need to. It’s like Star Trek, but if it was actually good? And Garak is a big part of what elevates it.) 

Is it weird to compare my ancient video game Barbie/gorgeous sex bomb badass assassin and seductress to a cold-blooded space lizard who spends his days hemming pants? Possibly. But there are aspects of Garak’s character that, consciously and unconsciously, I made parts of Devinahl’s DNA. 

Firstly, Garak is a patriot. He loves Cardassia so much that despite seeing its flaws with absolute clarity, despite having been exiled and reviled by it, he would die without question to serve it (of course, he’d much rather make someone else die). And while seeing that as a weakness, despite knowing that the Cardassia he has committed to serving is disappearing before his eyes, there is still a part of him that believes that that commitment - that neverending sacrifice - is noble. The only noble part of him. That’s central to Devinahl’s character (which is, in turn, the way I made sense of the IA storyline). That while hating and despising the Sith, she would nevertheless believe in the Empire - not so much believe that it is good (at best, I think she sees it as order and stability where the Republic is corruption and chaos) as believe that her commitment to it is the only redeeming thing available to her.

Secondly, the way that Garak will take his needs, vulnerabilities, sincere emotions and package them in ways which gets him what he has to have to keep going, without ever giving up full control? Particularly in the extraordinary episode The Wire, in which a dying Garak tells Dr Bashir a series of lies about himself in order to elicit Bashir’s forgiveness, because he needs to be sincerely forgiven but without ever telling the truth?

Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren’t? My dear doctor, they’re all true. Even the lies?

That is everything I tried to do with Dev, particularly in my fic about her and SCORPIO, particularly when it comes to her and Arcann. To know what she needs, as Garak needs absolution from Bashir, and tell just enough truth - put herself into just vulnerable enough a position - to get it, but never without reserving something, holding something back, whether it’s the knowledge that she can maneouvre herself out of SCORPIO’s clutches at any time or her real name? That’s a fucking survivor.

Thirdly, the relationship between Devinahl and Sifter (the spymaster who finds her as a traumatised child and grooms her for Intelligence) and specifically, the deathbed scene I wrote in Riddle was directly inspired by Garak’s relationship with Enabran Tain and that death scene. 

Yes, Devinahl was not Sifter’s actual daughter, but in every real sense she was formed by Sifter - and had Sifter had just one day with Dev like Tain had with Garak, Dev would have been lost. She would have turned herself into a carbon copy of Sifter, and she would have died. But the bittersweetness? The acknowledgement that the parental figure you love will never, not even now that they’re dying, love you as you want them to?

‘I should have killed your mother before you were born. You have always been a weakness I can't afford.’ ‘So you've told me. Many times. ...’ ‘Elim, remember that day…in the country. You must've been almost five.’ ‘How can I forget it? It was the only day.’

(The love and infinite sadness with which Andrew Robinson says that line, ‘It was the only day’? I’m crying just thinking about it. Anyway, it was everything I was thinking about and wanted to achieve in that scene.)

Oh ... and Devinahl’s ambiguous relationship with her implants? Well, Garak also has an implant in his head. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

2. Oryx from Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood

A novel character rather than from TV or movies, I hope that’s OK. And I know that there are ... very problematic elements to the way Atwood writes about Oryx, her family, her culture, her background. But she was one of the strongest elements that went into creating Devinahl and her backstory.

There were specific aspects of the story Oryx tells to Jimmie - particularly the parts about being told to scream and make a fuss if a man tries to take you away to a hotel room, and then being told not to make a fuss when a man tries to take you away to a hotel room - that became part of Dev’s story. But there was also a general attitude and way of looking at life I wanted to capture and incorporate. Oryx’s philosophy of value?

Of course (said Oryx), having a money value was no substitute for love. Every child should have love, every person should have it. . . . but love was undependable, it came and then it went, so it was good to have a money value, because then at least those who wanted to make a profit from you would make sure you were fed enough and not damaged too much. Also there were many who had neither love nor a money value, and having one of these things was better than having nothing.

I wanted to create a character who could look at life and suffering and abuse, even her own, and view it in that dispassionate way which horrifies someone from my middle-class Western background - and then I wanted to test that idea, to bring it up against SCORPIO and have SCORPIO try to break it down with torture, to see if it was just a cool facade/necessary illusion. I wimped out of really testing that belief, instead having Dev always know that she could get out of her situation/having her find a way to be loved without truly having to sacrifice her protective patterns ... but if I was a little braver and better, I’d have tested it to breaking point. How far can a character go who thinks like that while still remaining, on some level, compassionate/human/likeable?

3. Saffron (Firefly)

I could have gone Black Widow (definitely the inspiration for Dev’s aesthetic in terms of outfit etc). But the plain truth is that I thought more about Saffron while dreaming up Devinahl/writing her backstory than I did about Black Widow (yes, Widow turned her weakness into strength in a manipulative fashion all the time, but Garak did it better, and other than that she mainly looked after boys in a way that I did not want Dev to be limited to). 

Firefly, for a show that had - what - 13 episodes? - exercises far too much of a hold on my imagination and Saffron, especially in the first episode in which she appeared, was such a tremendous character. The way that she found exactly the triggers to turn each member of the crew inside out? (And if she’d had more time, it absolutely would have worked on Wash and Inara, too - it only didn’t because she had to hurry.) Dev has that. I can’t write it, because I suck, but she has it. 

Oh, and nobody will ever know Devinahl’s real name (apart from you, if you read my fic about her backstory) and she’d die before letting you know it. That’s straight from Saffron. As is, I suppose, the man who would accept her just as she is without needing to push to know her secrets, except it worked out a little better for Dev and Arcann than it did for Yolanda and Durran Haymer because Dev and Arcann will always have pegging.

INDIRAE

(This will be a lot shorter than the section on Devinahl, I promise.)

1. Steve Rogers, Captain America (and whatever else)

I have never been super into the MCU, but the key reference I used to find a way into Indy’s character, back when she was nothing more than a cool-looking Cathar Bounty Hunter, was Steve Rogers. (November can attest to this)

Indy’s physical size - she’s six foot if she’s an inch, and big - is key to her personality, but equally key is the idea that she would always experience that size as uncomfortable and slightly alien to her. Like Steve Rogers, she started out as the scrawny kid always getting beat up by everybody ... And when she got her strength (with a hefty assist from the toxic waste run-off into what was her family’s only source of water) and suddenly got TALL and STRONG? She did not like bullies - which was what led her to help Coda out of a jam at the spacesport and started them on their road.

(If there’s a better way to play the BH storyline than as a stone-cold mercenary with an utterly unwilling heart of gold ... then I don’t know about it.)

2. Xena, Xena Warrior Princess

I’ll be completely fucking straight with anybody about this (so to speak): I love Xena, I had an obsession with it as a teenager I’m still unpacking, and the show tends to feed into my characters in an ... odd way.

Indy is physically imposing like Xena, is the main thing; and her dynamic with Coda owes a lot to Xena’s with Gabrielle (although Coda is as big and tough as Indy, she is the fast talker/smooth operator to Indy’s laconic strongman). I wanted Indy to dominate action scenes the way that Xena does, be that kind of a force of nature; and watch her struggle to find ways to channel that charisma, to need Coda’s help to understand how to do it.

3. Dottie Henson, A League of Their Own

OK, first of all, I do not want to hear any kind of mockery. This is, unironically, one of my favourite films of all time.

Again, we come back to the core theme of a character struggling with her own greatness/potential. That’s what is the most fascinating through-line of A League of Their Own: Dottie, this unbelievable baseball player/physical presence (yes, she’s very tall, just like Indy) who is so terrified to admit that she wants anything more than her smalltown life and dreadful husband, even while the evidence of her talent and passion for the game is burning up these ... fields? Diamonds? I don’t know baseball apart from this film.

Indy certainly hides behind not wanting to be a bounty hunter. She doesn’t believe in any Mandalorian nonsense about romanticising what is an unglamorous job. She’s just doing it for credits and afterwards, once she’s secured her family’s future, she’s totally going to go home and settle down in some acceptable, domestic way. Being on the Mantis with Coda, it’s absolutely just a means to an end. She doesn’t want to be there, she doesn’t care about it, it’s not who she is, she doesn’t need it. This life, the adventure, the freedom, the fighting for survival, it’s certainly not what gets inside her and what lights her up, no, not at all. 

Oh, and Dottie is also a reluctant leader. She doesn’t see why her talent should put her in the position of telling other people what to do - but then, on the other hand, she sees so clearly what they need to be doing, and when she says to do it, they listen. She doesn’t want to carry this team, but they’re only a team so long as she carries them.

(Don’t worry, Coda’s not going to let her lie to herself for too long.)

[ofhouseadama]

What do you think would make Julian the most horny about seeing Garak be competent and intimidating?

Hi honey. I always know when it's you.

I think it really comes down to the fact that no one has ever protected Julian. His parents judged him at six years old and found him not worthy, and destroyed the boy that was Jules to create their "perfect" son. He's been left to live his life as this forbidden and illegal and wretched thing, unable to allow anyone to ever know him fully, unable to allow anyone to come close enough to observe how "unnatural" and "freakish" he really is. Because Julian so painfully wants to be human. He just wants to be human. And he's not, not fully. And he's already awkward and too sharp and brusque and he believes, to his core, that if it ever gets out that he's an augment that no one will ever fight for him. That'll be it. Game over.

And despite the risk, or maybe because of it, he still decides to go to Starfleet Academy. To put himself at risk, in order to help others. In order to become a doctor and put himself in harm's way and at the whim of an ambivalent galaxy to save lives. He doesn't soften his intellect or slow himself down when it comes to medicine or pushing back against command or authority. He fights for his patients and his crewmates and the people he so desperately wants to be his friends.

But he doesn't trust them. He can't.

He can't trust them enough to allow them to see behind the mask, let alone that he's wearing one. He can't afford to be vulnerable. He can't afford to put himself in the position of being the one who needs to be protected, needs to be saved. And sure, Julian ends up in danger and ends up needing rescue anyway, because that's what happens when you're in Starfleet but no one ever really comes for him.

Even when he's taken prisoner in the Dominion camp, it's him that Garak comes for. No one even notices that he's gone. The Changeling is able to wear the mask that he puts on perfectly.

Julian is someone who has learned that no one is coming for him. That he will have to figure out how to save himself. Protect himself. Rely on himself. He'll out-stubborn just about anyone. He has no problem accepting the risk associated with something might be his own death, so long as his actions align with his moral code. His survival instinct exists on the duality of a razor's edge. Is he so full of himself and so sure of his abilities that he's willing to take risks and bet on his continued existence, or is he so self-loathing and resentful about his augmentations that it doesn't matter to him whether he lives or dies so long as its on his terms?

There's a sameness that attracts Julian to Garak, and vice-versa. It's not apparent immediately, but it's no small thing to either of them that they are, for some time, each other's only friend. Even if they don't know each other's secrets, don't know what resides below the other's mask, even if Garak doesn't quite grasp that Julian is wearing a mask--

They both appreciate that the other is ruthless. Competent. Sharp. Unyielding. Adaptable.

And I simply think that there is something in Julian's hindbrain that would very much appreciate that Garak can puff up his chest and play the role of the intimidator and rattle off codes and intelligence and bluster his way through a situation where he should not, by any rights, survive. That Garak's hypercompetent and can wear any mask he pleases in order to get by.

Something Julian already knows, sure, but bantering over lunch doesn't necessarily activate the spy kink! But Julian can appreciate the craft. And he desperately wants to be seen as something worth protecting, even as an imperfect thing. He's never been protected before, he's never had the luxury of feeling safe. And the idea of it is tantalizing.